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Doujinshi For Iruka's Birthday !!!!

I'm currently in the midst of doing a doujinshi for Iruka's coming birthday somewhere next weekend, I think. 

I wanted to do something different and *my Ruka* suggested that I try doing a seme Iruka scene for a change. Seriously, I never thought of it before and I kept staring at her trying to decide if she was serious. She laughed when she saw my expression (I think ...or my total innocence on such yaoi things..). Maybe that's why I didn't ask her for more details...humpppph....Silly *Ruka*

Well, I need to understand more about this concept cause I really can't picture a seme Iruka. One thing for sure, asking my gay friends is definitely not an option here (...unless I want them to think that I'm finally hitting on them...*shudders*), so I did the next best thing...I actually asked the nice gals in the Kakairu comm to lend me a hand...

Hahahahahahahaha.....I got quite a few feedbacks and suggestions from them. Very enlightening I would say........Love them all *kiss...kisss...kiss....* 

Now, I'm off drawing seme Iruka scenes and might just practice some parts of it with *my Ruka* later tonight (with modifications of course)....Hahahahahahaha....this should be interesting...hahahaahahahah *Serve her right for being such a tease*..HAHAHA...


Spiderman 3

I seriously do not want to get out of bed, especially when my Ruka is in it with me >__<
However, she insisted that we watch Spiderman 3. 
Humph......the things you do for love *sigh*
Michael told me that it was good, so I guess why not. First movie, then dinner (I really want to bring her to this little cozy Italian restaurant I stumbled across), and after that.......
The truth is that I just want to spend my time with her. The last few weeks has been hell and i want to make her see that I'm very very serious about us.

A Whole New Perception


Its 5.00am on a Sunday morning for God's sake !!!!


I had a nightmare and I can't help the tears from falling down my face (..and laptop). I can't even remember the last time I cried...what...10...15 years ago.....but I'm crying now.

Have you ever had a dream so vivid...so realistic and when you wake up you're not even sure that if you're still dreaming or otherwise ???? Things happened for a reason, my mother used to say that and maybe God is trying to say something to me....

I dreamed of .... 

In the Tv and radio, they told us that we will be hit by some asteroids. Everything was in chaos and the skies were so dark and frightening. My family and I were brought to some safe house for refuge. We watched in horror as the skies erupted and meteorites were raining down on us. The ground shook at the impact and around us the buildings and forest were starting to catch on fire. It was then  that we realized that this was no natural disaster. This is the beginning of the Apocalypse

People around me started to cry and pray.

Everything was so realistic that I could even feel the heat and the shaking of the earth beneath my feet. I felt the first pang of fear, but all I could think of was my *Ruka*. During that confused moment, I saw my mother's calm face and she turned lovingly towards my father. They held each other close. Then I saw my sister who was also embracing her husband and kids. It was as if they've accepted their fate and was content that during their last hours, they were with the ones they love. I could actually feel the tightness in my chest when I saw their faces.

Then my family turned to me and smiled. I understood what they were trying to say and before I left, I held them , one by one.....our final good-bye.

Somehow I knew where she was and I ran as fast as I could. I felt my muscles aching from running too fast , but I had to get to her. When I was there everything was on fire. I shouted her name, clawing myself through the walls of human. At the far end of the place I saw her,looking scared and confused. I shouted her name. And when she turned to me her face lit up and I could feel that I was falling in love all over again.

Suddenly the ground shook so hard that we were thrown to the ground. There were fire and the people around us were screaming and running around like some wild animal. I tried to once again push myself to her. After much difficulty, I finally reached her, but she was lying on the ground trapped under a huge pillar.

I could feel my heart breaking (seriously folks...) and I cried.

I ran to her side. She was still alive and smiling up at me. She told me to run. But I found that I couldn't leave her. Tears rolled down her beautiful face and she told me to once again leave her. She told me that there was a special refuge area not far from where we were and that it will be safe there. It was during that moment that i made a conscious decision. I knew for a fact there and then that I'd rather die by her side than live without her..

I gently lifted her broken body and held her close, very much aware of the heat rising up around us and  I really didn't care........I wanted to be with her for better or for worse.

Then I woke up and saw she was sleeping next to me....safe.

I went straight to my laptop to write this down...

I knew it was just one hell of a dramatic dream and that I shouldn't get soo worked up on it. I tried to analyze the meaning of the dream though, the feeling I was feeling in it. It was an ephiphany on its own, I guess.....and I was scared because of the conscious choices I made in the dream just  to be with her .

How can I describe how realistic the dream was in words....in the dream I was very much aware of my thoughts and my chaotic surroundings. It was really strange...

I  knew that I've always loved her.

After the horrible misunderstanding, I'm pretty sure that I'm very much in love her.

But after the dream, I know that I'm truly, madly and deeply in love with her...

I knew I was a bad..bad boy before and I guess I'm damn lucky to be given this chance. I always wonder what it was like to feel this way...I often wonder this when I look at my parents and my sister...hell, now I know.

God moves in mysterious ways...go figure...

And I can't be happier.

Gotta pen-off now and show my *Ruka* just how much I love her...




It's the weekends and I'm still working ,my brains out !


Ok, she finally called and told me that she wanted to see me. 

OMG...this is it...the end of the line. I'm really not  sure what will happen next. She told me she needed some space to sort things out and I told her that I'm fine with that. But the truth is I've been a walking zombie for the past few weeks ever since that stupid fight. 
Everyone noticed it, even my BIG boss. He told me to take some time off, but I refused saying that I have to finish-up some last minute stuff for the project. They can't pinalize me for looking like a zombie since my work is still top notch.
Michael and Tom told me that I look like a living dead. Hahahahahah...can't blame them really cause I kinda think I do too. Been working myself crazy for the last few weeks and exerting my body in the gym to the point of collapsing. I think now I really resemble a fucking TREE ! Hahahahah... * the tree terminology is from the darling 

shi_chan  *

Shit ! I'm sooooooo very tired.

A few times I was tempted to actually let everything go and be the carefree guy I used to be. But I think I'm mature enough to know that fucking another girl is not the best way to solve this problem. Well, it'll take your mind out of it for a few hours, but the aftermath of it would be......Arghhhhh...I'm so fucking TIRED !!!

Better get ready....I promised to meet her at 7.30....

I've never been so nervous in my life. I've always thought that I'm the kind of guy that have all the things in his life figured out, but in this circumstances, I'm not sure what I'll do if I loose her....GOD Please !



Underneath It All (Chapter 4)

I just finished editting this last night and so decided to post it.

Series :  The Scarecrow And The Dolphin 
Title :  Underneath It All (Book1)
Part : Chapter 4_Under The Rain
Summary : Yup Kakashi still cares for Iruka
Disclaimer :  I don't own Naruto

Underneath It All (Chapter 3)

This is the continuation.

Series :  The Scarecrow And The Dolphin
Title  :  Underneath It All (Book 1)
Part  :  Chapter 3_ Flowers For A Dolphin
Summary :  There's might still be hope for Kakashi and Iruka after all
Disclaimer :  I don't own Naruto

Underneath It All (Chapter 2)

This is the next installation of the story....

Series : The Scraecrow And The Dolphin
Title : Underneath It All (Book1)
Part : Chapter 2 _ A Matter OF Opinion
Summary :  Things are getting from bad to worse for Kakashi and Iruka
Disclaimer :  I don't own Naruto.

Underneath It All ( Chapter 1)

I'm still having trouble in sleeping. Well...might as well do something useful like posting my fic in this journal

Series :  The Scarecrow And The Dolphin 
Title : Underneath It All (Book1)
Part : Chapter 1_ If There Be Thorns
Summary :  Iruka and kakashi were the best of friends. Then something happened that made Kskakshi end their friendship.
Disclaimer :  I don't own Naruto




It's Saturday !


I finally called *Ruka* and explained (tried to) to her the whole story. She seemed to be listening (which I take it as a good sign of course) all through the process as if she understood. Then once I was done she was silent at first, and then asked me the stupidest question ever known to man or beast....

She actually asked me if I love her !!!!!

How stupid and blind can she be !!!!!!

She fully knew who I was when we were the best of friends and I kept nothing from her. She knew who I flirted with and hell, she even knew who I've slept with (and some of them in detail). There were no secret between us then (as best friends) and there's no secret between us now (as lovers). How could she not trust me and think that I would choose another woman over her !!!!

I though she understood my explanation. I thought she knew how I felt about her !!!

I may be a jerk at one time and even a bastard at others, but one thing for sure, I'm not a two-timer !!!! 

Why did she think I indulged myself in this whole KakaIru deal. Can't she see that everything I draw and everything I wrote I always have *us* on my mind. She's MY *Ruka*. And I'm HER *Scarecrow*. 

That's the only way i can express myself, my feelings, my passions and my love for my best friend and lover; the one woman who I want to spend the rest of my life with..
for better or for worse... for as long as we both shall live.

Dammit ! What more can she want !!!!!

*sighs in frustration*
I don't understand women.....not one bit......
(I'm really glad that she not an Internet junkie....it's really embarassing if she reads this ...*sighs*) 

Have to find some distraction before I go insane !

I hate weekends without her !!!!!




I nearly blew my cool with the PPB. 
They are just a bunch of idiots who can't think. I asked them to do their User Specs a few months back and neither one of them came out with any. This could pose a problem for the project on the later end. But as Sam told me, its their problem not ours. If the system could not cater for their requirements, then its all their fault and we have all the supporting documents.
Horray for my team members !!!!!!
I'm not normally that mean, but I think they deserve it *smug grin*


Michael is still with me. Glad for the company and for tonight, Tom is staying over too (Yezzz!).....

Finally I've managed to sort out my fics and art into some semblance of organized folders.  I have a few fics to edit and    illustration to finish. At least my perverted hobby keeps me sane in times like this....Errr...hope Michael and Tom don't steal a peek. If they do...I'm sooooo gonna be DEAD....hahahah

How come my sixth sense is tingling ? Michael is glaring at me again and Tom is rather quite. BY 10.00pm, I finally got enough of this whole charade and demanded some answers from my best friends. 

Well....can you believe it ! The stupid bitch called me at my home. Michael answered the phone and was pissed (can't blame him). I have never fought with Michael since the junior years, but I hate it when HE ! of all people accused me of being a prick and a two-timer ! Don't he know me by now ?!The nerve of that guy !!!!!!

I'm soooo tired and I HATE getting into fights with the guys !!!!! After explaining the situation, MIchael and Tom finally understood the whole situation (errr...I hope so). I think I'd better stop being the nice guy and just tell (or yell) that I"M NOT INTERESTED !!!!! MAybe she'd get the hint and leave me alone so I can grovel at mt *Ruka*'s feet and explain myself.

Maybe I should just call her.....